Today I feel like I did something very scary, but it seems almost insignificant to say so. I thrust myself into the art world and attempted a watercolour painting as a gift for some dear friends and their soon to be born baby girl. The only downside was that it was something I had never painted before, I had no idea how to do it, and I’m not a very confident painter. All I had was an image in my mind and somehow had to transfer it to paper which I’m normally terrible at doing, ON THE MORNING OF THE SHOWER! First thought, “Who does this?” Second thought, “What can I find on Pinterest?” After some rapid Pinterest research while my own bubby was napping I drew a quick very basic outline (FAR more scary than painting!) and put brush to paper.
At this point I’m sure you’re wondering when the scary part is coming. So what if I’m not that great at art, it’s the thought that counts right? WRONG! It was difficult to put myself out there, even in the privacy of my own home, hoping that each new brush stroke would not destroy all the previous ones. I have to admit that once I completed the main feature of the image, I almost didn’t complete the rest of the painting. I was so scared to mess it up, too scared to fail. Each step of the way I was wanting to check with all my arty friends and make sure that it was still okay. I finally finished the painting an hour or two later after an intermission when Arya decided to wake up and wanted to play. After fiddling for a while, I was actually really happy with it, but it’s so intimidating when you have to make yourself vulnerable in front of others and reveal a part of yourself. This wasn’t just a pretty picture. It really meant something that I was trying to share and I was laying myself bare in front the people I care most about. The funniest part, is that it was only yesterday that I was listening to someone speak about being vulnerable with those precious to you, your chosen family. I’m not that sort of person. I like to be strong, independent, and rely only (mostly) on big old me. I’m pretty much invincible. You can see how I struggled a little with this!
I’m really proud of myself for sitting down and attempting to create something from nothing, and I’m proud of the fact that I was willing to lay it out in front of others. Even if it was totally awful, I still did it. Just don’t ask me to paint it again, because I’m really not sure that I could! It’s s step toward who I want to be and opening up to the people I have chosen to be my family (and my own family too of course!).
The image I had in my mind was of a purple bird rising up and emerging out of water, all of it purple, and all of it alive. It is supposed to represent royalty, and new life bursting forth. Apologies for the photo quality!
PS. A pajama singlet was sacrificed in the creative process. I didn’t even know I had paint everywhere until Mum pointed it out. Oh well, at least it’s water soluble, right?
Painting for Eva Faith
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